miss young

Do ya, do ya, dontcha: "Fall Back" Edition

2010-10-05T09:02:00.019-04:00

DO yourself a favor and stop acting like your life is about to end because they were out of decaffeinated coffee at Starbucks (and other trivial “catastrophies” like that). Instead thank God daily that you can afford that expensive-a$$ cup of drugs. No more “FML” on Twitter, please. Things REALLY could be worse.

DON'T be comfortable in your fat-a$$ness. Yeah, I know the cold-weather is fast approaching, but what you won’t do is use warmth as a reason why your blubberific arms are brushing up on me in the club. *blank stares to my left + blank stares to my right*

DON’T bother to give me “the eye”, hit me with your most recent "hollerism" and/or approach me if your last serious relationship was five years ago…with some buff dude named Rico. Fall back if you’ve ever… err… uhm… taken it from the back! *holding picket sign* MEN DO NOT EXPERIMENT!

Speaking of which…

DO yourself favor #2 and stop being so gay. And when I say “gay”, I mean homophobic. This whole “no homo”/”pause” revolution has got the most homosexual men acting as if they really like women. The harder you go (on gays) the more gay you appear to be. Like @KidFury said: "It's always the ones that bark the loudest that are doing doggy-style in the dark."

DON’T ask my opinion then get mad when I tell you the truth. Why yes, I am going through the same bullish with a different no-good nobody, BUT you asked what I thought, I did NOT ask you for your input (this time or last). Just know your role and we can play nice!

DO get you(rself) a space heater and some of that “dahk licka" and fall back, because 'tis the season to be bunned up, but realistically, there are not enough boos to go around!

Therefore...

DON’T lose yourself, ladies, trying to find, snatch up and/or keep a man-friend. It is the fall season NOT the fall of an era, so being solo-dolo during the cold months won’t kill you. Get acquainted with your B.O.B. and fall back!

DON’T tell me during our first conversation about your ex-girlfriend that broke your heart and scarred you for life and now every time you hear “[insert song title]” you want to cry. I don't give a damn about all of that...YET! Save it for you own blog, brother or best friend.

DO embrace “hoodie weather”! Grab a cute cardigan, a scarf, some jeans and some boots! I love layers, you should love them too.

Lastly...

DON’T piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining. In the age of the fake-phonies and when “keeping it real” is the new hotness, please take the extra step to either be honest or be a great liar to the people that care about you...or just fall back. They deserve the extra effort.

Come on, son...

2010-10-04T09:53:00.008-04:00

DISCLAIMER: No mama's boys were harmed in the making of this post.

It’s so funny how men say things like, “I can’t find a woman like my mother” and other absurdities like that. The truth of the matter is: women are nurturers by nature; therefore, your mama is not the only woman willing to wash your clothes, make you dinner and iron your shirts. In my (sound) opinion, men use statements like that as a cop out. Fellas, you are supposed to hold your mother at a very high regard; therefore, without much examination, you are “allowed” to say that every woman you meet is lesser than the woman that created you. We know it isn't fair, but is that really accurate?

If you meet a woman that not only puts up with your unwarranted arrogance, your ego trips, the mind games and the inconsideration, but cooks like “yo’ mama”, folds your clothes like “yo’ mama” and practically wipes your butt like “yo’ mama” used to… You will then have to step up to the plate. You will then have to be the GOOD man that is equal to that GOOD woman. I have a good number of guy-friends and whether you are willing to be that good man is what I question. Just like a jobless man that cannot provide for himself let alone a woman, a man that compares every woman to his mother (with the woman falling short EVERY time), is one that really just isn’t ready to be the man he needs to be.

Let’s face it… You-cannot-marry-your-mother AND she, like the women that you “won’t settle for”, has flaws. Maybe the difference is the unconditional love that your mother offers. *shrugs* However, if given the chance, your (potential) girlfriend/fiancée/wife could/would love you like that too. Maybe, guys, you should consider your potential mate as the person that will take over where mommy left off. I mean think about it: Don’t most men end up marrying the woman that tolerates the most nonsense…JUST LIKE THEIR MAMAS DO?
Whether right or wrong, traditional or non-traditional, I always say the only people I will clean up after are my kid and my man DESPITE NOT HAVING ONE *side eye*. So men, stop with all the “my mother is ‘better’ than you” innuendo. Good women aren’t trying to hear it.

signed,

miss young

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You do the math.

2010-06-04T08:52:00.004-04:00

So we are taught from preschool onward that, 1 + 2 = 3. Basic math, right? U N T I L …you get into the world of dating. Your middle school teachers even preached that “you will always need math”! Now THAT, my friends, has been the biggest crock of bull for several reasons, but mainly because one plus two does not always equal three (1 + 2 ≠ 3). Now take that, mathematicians.

A friend of mine said: There seems to be three basic relationships between men and women:
1: Dating = The “Getting to Know You” Relationship
2: Booty Call = The “Sex ONLY” Relationship
3: Boyfriend/Girlfriend = The “Let’s Be Exclusive” Relationship

(KEEP THESE NUMBERS IN MIND)

So with that basic arithmetic, what happens when you add 1 (dates, dinner, movies, phone conversations, etc.) + 2 (sex) and it does NOT equal 3 (an exclusive relationship)? Presumably, men and women will never form a simple equation – nothing basic and all things complex!

My friend then went on to ask a series of questions that boiled down to: How can you ensure that dating + sex = relationship? And honestly, there are no guarantees. I cannot say how to make them add up, but I have a few ideas (with others’ input and self-reflection) as to why one does not always equal the other.

1 + 2 = 2
I was told before that “dudes will lie, cheat and steal just to make a girl smile/happy." And keeping that in mind, a guy will date and get to know you JUST to have a sexual relationship with you. In other words, if he has money and time to spend, “he may be ‘digging’ you just because he wants to dig IN you.”

The “boyfriend/girlfriend titles are rare nowadays,” but less than that commitment, in most cases, is inevitable. If he takes you out to dinner, comedy shows, cookouts and you guys walk down the street holding hands and sex is involved, you’re DEFINITELY doing boyfriend/girlfriend stuff, but you don’t have a title and that is NOT your man unless exclusivity has been agreed upon. Consider that relationship version 2.99999…but not a full on 3.0.

Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?
It is pretty much a consensus that communication is an integral part of EVERY and any relationship. “Discuss what is actually going on for clarity so no one gets hurt.” You can have a monologue by yourself in the shower, but what really needs to happen, is an actual conversation to distinguish whether the two of you are 1, 2 and/or 3. “What you may consider dating and getting to know him, he may consider just kicking it“, so if you have not talked about a (you and me only) relationship…you are NOT in one.

1 man + 1 woman = 0 relationships
Translation: Men and women emotionally, socially, physically and mentally differ. We do not do the same math. Sex complicates all situations and simply having sex in hopes of it becoming more, is self-sabotage. “If you started off dating and then sex came along, then the dating falls off, more than likely the sex should stop too.” No time for me? No sex for you. Sex is just that…SEX, so if you want a relationship: COMMUNICATE, SAY NO TO BOOTY CALLS and DRIVE SLOW, homie!

signed,

miss young + {my lady l♥ves}

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DISCLAIMER: Granted, I have a kid, but miss young does not condone sexual relations. People have cooties and sex is gross!

Lets NOT keep it on the down low...

2010-04-30T13:14:00.012-04:00

When left to my own devices, my imagination runs wild. I don’t know if it is simply my personality, my undying penchant for a good story or if I am just psycho. Whatever it is, if given enough time, I will create a storyline, develop character flaws and even throw in an antagonist for fun… That’s just me! The same goes for men and trying to decipher what they are about. I don’t know if it is subconscious being a hater because I am super single or if these are facts, but I think a lot of men are gay or have “tendencies”. If left alone with my thoughts, I would think most men are gay at some point and here’s 20 reasons why…

You might be suspect* if:

1. You are the ONLY straight “friend” in a group of openly gay men.

2. You get your eyebrows fully arched. Not tamed…but arched.

3. You think it is oh-so-gay to get a manicure or pedicure.

4. You are a super homophobe. Gay men like other men,
but that doesn’t mean EVERY man.

5. You have slices/slits in your brows.

6. You wear Under Armor outside of the gym.

7. You seriously call other dudes ugly.

8. You are way more into my pumps than I am.

9. You drop it lower than I could ever go.

10. You drive a Mitsubishi Eclipse.

11. You are belting out the words to Trina’s “Baddest Bitch”
when I pull up to you in your Eclipse at a red light.

12. You roll your eyes and poke your lips more than I do.

13. You “wind it up” better than me when “Rude Boy” comes on and you get loud when Rihanna asks he’s “you’re big enough”.

14. You’re the guy all “extra-thug” (gang signs and middle finger) in the club but you’re from the ‘burbs and your parents are still together.

15. You always talk about how many “(sn)itches + (j)oes”
you’ve smashed. #needmorepeople

16. When Akinyele’s “Put it in My Mouth” comes on, you say,
“That’s my ish!” and commence to a$$ shaking.

17. You practice your Wendy Williams “How you doin’?” out loud.

18. You and your “best friend” go to a movie together AND don't leave a space in between your seats.

19. You go to the mall with said “best friend” and wait for him at the fitting room to show you how his outfit fits.

20. You are consistently talking down to or talking ish about women. If you will argue with a complete stranger (that’s a woman) in public, YOU’RE gay.

So which one are you, homeboy?

signed,

miss young

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*No gays were harmed in the making of this blog. I love people, but cannot stand fraudulence. If you are gay, say so.

Confession: I'm just not that in to you!

2010-04-28T13:27:00.009-04:00

Fellas, you are getting a break! One time and one time only, I am taking the blame for all the ladies. It is absolutely insane that when we (women) get our little feelings hurt because some guy showed his a$$ (Interpretation: we ignored the signs from the beginning and now he is showing his true colors) we say things like:
“He could have just told me the truth” or
“Why did he keep responding to me?” or
“All he had to say was that he wasn’t interested”.
Pause for the cause. Think about it… How often do you, miss lady, meet a guy…give him a chance… realize he is SUPER lame and THEN still speak to him (occasionally) because you haven’t quite built up the nerve to cut him off and simply say:
“You know what? I’m just not that into you!”
Guilty as charged. I know with me, I don’t like to hurt peoples’ feelings, and while most men are “detached” and don’t really “care” (on the outside)… on their soft-a$$-insides, they are the WORST when it comes to rejection. How do you tell a guy that thinks he is intelligent, witty, swaggerific and all the good things from God, that he doesn’t give you #coochiethump without him making it seem like you are the one with the problem? Really, fellas, the false bravado is not becoming of you.

Anyways, I need to figure something out. Grow a set of (temporary) balls even. I just can’t stand for a dude that I do not like a whole lot, a dude that I am showing “courtesy love” to and/or a dude that does NOT deserve my time…to think that because I am not into him that I am the problem. I do not know where I am going with this, but I do know that this time…it’s my fault. When a grown-a$$, 32 year-old man texts me 9 times before I ever even think to respond… Houston, we’ve got a serious problem. When another guy is not bringing anything to the table and I keep biting my tongue to avoid being EXTREMELY rude…I need to say something. I need to {wo}man up and tell them to buzz off!

What do you do, ladies, when you just want to say:
“I’m just not that into you”?

Creamy Crack: Goodbye, my lover! Part II

2010-04-02T09:52:00.011-04:00

...continued from Part I
“My weaves are what make me cute.”
If you know me, you know that I am NOT the “peace my brother” type and the only time I ball my fist up is to “fist pump” or to beat the beat up ("Jersey Shore"). I love being Black, but I didn’t and don’t want my natural hair to peg me as a revolutionary, fight for your rights type of “sista.” (Think N’bushe Wright’s character in “Dead Presidents”). LOL. I may be a little of that, but I am many things, so don’t hurt yourself trying to figure me out.

I started watching “natural” stuff on youtube, trying to psyche myself into being all-the-way-for-real-natural. For months, I watched hair videos and was really inspired by other women and their bravery. I became familiar with new terms and techniques and was in love with the idea of being all me, all natural. My perm had grown out and I only had about 2” of relaxed ends AND I was still wearing my weaves. It was time for the “big chop” (a term used to describe cutting the permed hair from the natural). It had been ten months since I last permed my hair…

January 17, 2009. After having a REALLY trying month (not with my hair, but in my personal life), I took out my weave to wash my hair and just decided to cut my permed hair off (see top two pics). While feeling “liberated,” I knew I was not about to rock it yet. Mentally I was not ready. In my head I still thought: my weaves are what make me cute. I took some pictures of myself, braided my hair and sewed in another weave.

Summer, summer, summer time…

Through the cold months, I convinced myself that the only reason I didn’t reveal my naturalness was because of the cold weather. From watching YouTube videos, I knew that embracing my hair would mean washing and going (outside) with wet hair, and I couldn’t do that in the winter, right?

The weather was warm and my scalp did what it does…SWEAT. While I was only wearing full sew-ins (none of my hair out), my curly-curls were peaking through my (weave) bangs and I was itching to see what my hair looked like six months after cutting the relaxed ends off.

I DID IT. I took out my weave and asked my sister, Takeyah, of Core Connection Lifestyle [shameless plug] to twist me real hair (see bottom right pic). After all, she was the little wood pecker beating me in my head all along to leave the weave alone.

The first day, I wasn’t convinced. I had already told myself that I needed to start wearing full-face makeup and huge earrings… So, I did. By the second day, I loved it. I was wearing my natural hair. Look who woke up wearing her “I’m a big girl” underwear?

Backlash? Haters? Naysayers? There weren’t any. Part…A LOT of my reluctance was from fear of how people (that I, on a regular day, could care less about) would accept the “change.” Screw them. I could rock anything, but I wasn’t sure. The confidence came, then the cute pictures and that brings me to today.

I am Chinaka Akili Young and I am 100% natural. I'd like to say, I will never go back to the “creamy crack,” just like I will never again eat bologna, corned beef and sardines, BUT I won't say it. For now I love my naturalness...my naps, my curls and even the straight pieces that won’t return to their natural texture after heat damage. I am me: natural, permed, weaved, braided and natural some more…and weaved again.

That was my journey. The End (of the beginning).

Here are some people that motivated, inspired and pushed me along the way:

tracema
xGOLDn
misskrisnew
BeautifulBrwnBabyDol
shiaboo1989
BlackOnyx77
sheacocoaluv
+ lo-key 1ofmYfAvoritepPL, Jennifer Musu!
LOVE HER!

Check out this other post I did on my hair: "Nature's Own Nak!"

Creamy Crack: Goodbye, my lover! Part I

2010-04-01T08:48:00.009-04:00

Monday (March 29th) made two years since I had my last relaxer and while it’s not a huge deal, it’s still exciting! This is a piece I wrote a back in October 2009 when the movie “Good Hair” was all the rage. It’s in two parts and I will post Part II later!

Hell, no, weave won't go!
Hell, no, weave won't go!
...but my permed hair has left the building.
If you asked me five years ago if I would ever go natural, the answer could have possibly been, "absolutely not!" I didn't see how “naturaldom” fit would be a good fit for several reasons: I loved the way my hair feathered (see bottom right pic) and I sweat in my scalp and a relaxer ensured that my cucka-bugs stayed tame. Plus, I didn't get my first perm until I was 17 years old, so why would I go “back” so soon? Why would I succumb to my billowy, cotton-soft hair? I was always the dark-skinned, nappy-headed, bald girl even though MY naps were soft and MY hair was longer than some (when straightened). I wasn’t going back to that. Sounds crazy now, but it was my reality.

While I maintained my hair with a relaxer, I NEVER needed to get a touch-up every 4-6 weeks and couldn’t grasp why some people did. I would wait at least 8 weeks, but definitely pushed a 12-week-wait several times. I have a VERY sensitive scalp, so the thought of getting a relaxer made my hair itch and even with the light-to-heavy taps that we Black girls do…my scalp would burn. I am NOT talking a little tingle, I am talking F I Y A H! Scabs that had my freshly wrapped hair stuck to my scalp the next morning. NO EXAGERRATION. To top it off, my stylist would pour Seabreeze on my scalp and Lord knows how that Pump-it-Up made a sore scalp feel. But I had to stay fresh. Owww! Why did I torture myself for so long?

I spent a lot of my time in the salon because I was the receptionist during the summer. I loved the way people came in looking “to’ up” but left looking like the $100 they just spent. Hair makes you. Period.

[Enter the weave]

For prom I "designed" my red, one-shoulder dress and had it made... I just had to have something different with my hair too! My hair stylist specialized in short hair, which I didn’t have, and weaves, which I had never tried. Weave it is! My first weave ever was a quick-weave…MULLET at that (see top left pic). Got it Friday and took it out Sunday not knowing that I was supposed to keep it in. I wasn’t hooked, but I knew I would try it again. Why not?

Right before I went to FAMU I bumped my head and decided to let me stylist give me red crown highlights. I loved all things red at the time, but knew my mother would flip her wig if I came home with my hair colored. And she did when I walked through that garage and my red crown highlights turned into tomato-red color ALL OVER. I had to get a burgundy rinse just to tone down the brightness (see top right pic). BAD IDEA. I got to FAMU and thought I was grown…apparently not grown enough because I didn’t take care of my hair and it broke-the-heck-off. I came back second semester with the cutest hair cut…shaved in the back and all (see bottom left pic).

One of my girls' had gotten her cosmetology license in high school and my life of weave began. From sophomore year and beyond, I weaved it up OFTEN. I loved it. It looked good and the Tallahassee beauty supply stores even sold 1/8-packs of hair. Hmph…beat that!

I braided, weaved and straightened my hair for years with no regrets in between. Weave became popular and people no longer wore it because they had no hair underneath, but more for convenience and versatility. No fuss, ready-to-go hair. I was a part of it.

I crowned myself a “weave queen,” not only because I NEVER allowed myself to have a bad weave (check the records), but because I achieved weave greatness all by myself. Hand me some thread, a needle, some glue and a track and I am good. TRANSFORMATION time.

Wearing a weave while my hair was relaxed allowed me to go perm-less for longer than most and gave my hair time to breathe because of its low-manipulation properties. (Sounds scientific, huh?) I finally started to wonder what my hair would look like if I was natural since I barely got relaxers anyway. (I went 9 months without a touch-up while I was pregnant with Samia.)

Fast forward to 2008:

On March 29, 2008, I got my last relaxer. I didn’t know it at that time, but soon after I figured it out. I knew I wasn’t getting any more perms, but I also knew I was NOT wearing my natural hair. Unlike india.arie, I would like to say, "I am my hair." My hair doesn’t define me, but it changes the way I feel, how I look and what I portraying. Simply said, hair is a huge part of an image. I weaved it up, wore it out and weaved it up some mo’! The two textures didn’t really phase me because my hair isn’t coarse and a little heat went a long way. When the idea of wearing my natural hair crept up, I talked myself out of it.

I thought, “My weaves are what make me cute, right?"

Part II coming soon...

Do ya, do ya, dontcha: "Spring has Sprung" Club Edition

2010-03-21T12:03:00.004-04:00

DO take EVERYTHING argyle AND sleeveless and burn it as an offering to the sun “gods”. Russell Simmons really has you thinking argyle is a culture. ABSOLUTE fail.

DON'T show up to the club in a pastel bow tie…that you let your 12 year-old sister tie. You look like a straight up clown…no, seriously! Think about it.

DO bring your cute white friend with ALL the tattoos that has rhythm! I’m down for something new. Owwww...

DON’T bring your friends from out of town to the club and let them think you’re a bottle popper! Son, I saw you last week and you were hugging the wall. What are you going to do now that you spent your rent money at the bar?

DON’T whisper your thesis statement in my ear. Hey!…How are you doing?…What’s your name?… All good “club convo”, but do not quiz me on my 5-year plan while my jam is on. S C R A M !

DO wear a shirt! I know the warm weather has you feeling yourself, fellas, but PLEASE do not walk into any event/venue wearing your wife beater. Swole, sexy, seductive and all…you still gets no love!

DO us single people a favor and leave all that boo-loving bull$h!t at home! Boo-hunting season is about to start and you and your “main” tonguing down in my personal space is not what's gangster.

DON’T let your thirsty-a$$ homeboy that wants to mack, smash and dance on everything make you guilty by association. My girl was not playing hard-to-get when she pulled away all three times.

DO yourself a favor, ladies, and invest in proper undergarments. Men may not care, but I am allergic to VPL (Visible Panty Lines). But tell your home girl…yeah, the big one, to pick up a shaper/slimmer and save her the embarrassment.

DON’T forget to wish me a Happy 27th Birthday on April 18th! I accept well wishes, but I love gifts even more.

What's Love Got to Do With It?

2010-02-22T09:15:00.014-05:00

“Ladies, would you marry a man that made less money/was less educated than you?”

A friend on Facebook asked me to answer this question and of course I had something to say. I pose this same question to you. I mean, could you really marry a man that (on paper) is not your equal?

Before I even delve into the drama that is that answer, I will say that most things in life are easy to say, but a lot harder to do! Even harder, is facing the fact that society operates on double standards. Men are practically bordello barons, running harems out of their apartments, while women are virtually stoned for “consummating” multiple “relationships” over what is considered a short period of time. When’s the last time hoe’ing got you wifed? NEVER. And I don’t remember ever hearing about a dude being too “easy” in college. Let’s face it: men do what they want in life and relationships, and women are to stand by until he is “ready”. Yeah, aight!

I am ALL about the double standard.
Oh, so I should be home cooking and cleaning? That’s what’s up. I don’t know much about marriage, but I do believe that if I am expected to be Miss “Do-it-All Dotty”, then my husband should be bringing home the bacon. Not the light, healthy turkey bacon, but the fat, nasty pork bacon. Tons of money, hold the broke!

I think it is normal that woman marry "up". Yup, I said it…UP! Somewhere in the Bible it talks about these men that took care of everything and everyone… Oh, yeah, they were called kings and the main person they took care of, was called the Queen. So, I’m saying why wouldn’t a woman want to marry someone that can take care of her in all aspects of the relationship. Don’t you get tired of men that swear they are the kings and running $h!t when the only thing they are running is their mouths. STFU, how ‘bout it!

Love + Marriage
Love definitely matters most, but how many of us could R E A L L Y love a man that cannot provide? The reason, I believe, so many beautiful woman are seen with unattractive/older men with money is NOT because she JUST loves him, but she grew to love him after he was able to provide for her and give her all that she needs. I would think that women like a man that loves her more than she loves him AND a man that makes it his duty to provide – needs, wants, whatever!

Smarty-art…
The funny thing about education is that it does not make you smart. I do not know more than a handful of fellas that do not have at least a four-year degree, but I know a WHOLE LOT of dumba$$ dudes. Quit trying to philosophize every time we “conversate”… It is not hard to get a piece of paper that says your name on it, so when thinking about dating or even marrying a guy that doesn’t have a college education, I don’t really get it. I may accept it, but I don’t understand it. I’m saying, having more education than me is not hard to come by… I only have a B.S. and yes, it seems to be some bull$h!t every time I look at my paycheck. I digress…

So, yes, I could marry a man less educated, but at some point (knowing myself) I would be “too smart” for my own good. I already think I am a genius, so let him slip up and try to outsmart me, I may mess around and say something like, “Spell encyclopedia, dumba$$...”

signed,

miss young

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*No egos were bruised in the creation of this post. These are the opinions of a devil's advocate and not necessarily miss young's opinions, thought or feelings.

New Testament: Chapter 1 of 27

2010-02-17T08:00:00.005-05:00

1. Create an inspiration board
I have always been into collages, but have not created one for myself in years. I usually just chose pictures and words that stand out to me or are catchy, but this time, I selected images and wording that describe who I am now and more imprtantly, who/what/where I would like to be in the near future. I created this inspiration board because I am a visual learner and if I see, I will be more inclined to believe and, in turn, do.

My board is about 3'x 1' and is big enough that I can remind myself daily of what I want in life. Sounds good, right? Yours will not be as fly as mine, but you should make one too!
Let us all be INSPIRED.

signed,

miss young

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New Testament: 27 Before 27

2010-02-16T11:44:00.014-05:00

So, I turn 27 years-old on April 18^th and that means I am almost 30. Thirty counts, but no one cares about you when you're 26, 27 and 28 years of age. Think about it: when you turn 25, it's like, "ooh-la-la" you are now considered "grown and sexy" *looks around*death to that phrase* and when the deejay says, "this is for my 25 and up crew" you get to woop!woop! with the old heads. Then 26 hits and you're...well, that's just it. You're 26. Who cares? Same for 27 and 28. Then suddenly, 29 comes and your become relevant again because everyone wants to drill it in your head that you are on the verge of 30 - an age where you should have your ish together, but a lot of times don't. Eeeeek! Why, oh, why...is 30 creeping at my window?

After attempting to do the same thing last year and failing, I decided to create a list of things to do before my 27^th birthday. I am calling it my 27 Before 27. (I wanted to come up with something catchy, but decided to keep it simple...for once.) For the past few weeks, I have come up with things that I want to accomplish over the next 60 days. Oh, boy! Let's see how this goes.

I will post a picture once I complete each (if I can) task/item and explain how/why I did it. This should be fun!

Check back tomorrow for #1...

signed,

miss young

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JUST TALKING: I want what I want...

2010-02-01T09:49:00.004-05:00

I wrote this back in 2007 when I guess I had some time to think about what I want (out of a mate). I tweaked it a little this weekend while I was snowed in, but the same still stands true for the most part. I'm sure I have left out some things.

Understand that...
1. There is a difference between a want and a need
2. I know I have to embody these qualities in order to expect them

I wonder how many are needs and how much this list will dwindle as I get older.

i want:
attractive everyone doesn't have to like you, but I do. communicative just speak to me. if you feel a certain type of way, tell me. cool just sit your a$$ down. you are not Diddy, so " you be cool how you be cool. confident be sure about something if not yourself. i will stroke your ego occasionally, but love yourself. considerate do something I don’t expect you to do every once in a while. driven have something you are working toward. it's simple: have a goal, even if it is far-fetched. God-fearing i ♥ Jesus & you need to love Him too.honest tell the truth. you really ain’t got to lie. people deal with deadbeats as long as they are open and transparent. humorous keep me laughing and be able to handle my wit, sarcasm and stoicism. integrity have some morals and principles about yourself. intelligent can you spell? do you make up words? DON'T, I will correct you. kind be nice because I have man-made sensitivity. loving you can be a total jerk to everyone else, but have redeeming qualities and a good ♥. have manners. passionate if not me, love something A LOT. protective you may not be able to really save me, but pretend to be able to whoop some a$$. be respectful and responsible. secure don’t mistrust me, because you can't trust yourself. straight teeth i don't mind looking back at middle school pics of your pirahna jaws, but you better have had braces BEFORE talking to me. stylish you may not be s U p E r fly, but you must compliment me. supportive i need you to see, feel & back my dream. thoughtful remember the things I say/like & surprise me with them. be trustworthy. if i can't count on you for the little things, i will never trust you with something big. understanding i'm not perfect and neither are you, so don't bust my balls about dumb stuff.
It's the start of a new year. What do you want?

‘Chumean you don’t “practice” Valentine’s Day?

2010-01-29T08:19:00.009-05:00

You know what I am NOT doing? I’m not scrambling for the perfect red dress or frantically flipping through catalogues for the sexiest lingerie or even crossing my fingers in hopes of receiving even a raggedy box of chocolates because... Well, you know why? It’s because for yet another year I do not have a valentine. Yup! Yet another year where Cupid’s b!tch-a$$ has flown right over my head and skipped me all together. Matter of fact, when I finally meet Cupid, I’m going to beat the brakes off of him and tear his wings off for neglecting me year after year.

*clears throat* Excuse me, I have digressed before I even started…

My point is that, even though I have only had one semi-successful Valentine’s Day in all of my 26 years, it is still my third favorite holiday (coming only after 1. my birthday and 2. Christmas) and I do not understand when/why men say they don’t celebrate it. The $h!t is not about you, fella, it is about me. [ME|ME|ME] And no, you do NOT have-to-be-my-man-to-get-me-something.

A gift is in order if/when:

a. she is not JUST a "jump off-booty call-skeezer-hoe"
b. you two are dating
c. she has expressed that she does not give a damn about you not wanting to celebrate
d. you want to make her feel special
e. ALL OF THE ABOVE

See there...I am pretty certain, you fall into one of those categories; therefore, ladies, you deserve a gift* and guys, you deserve to get a karate chop to the Adam’s apple and/or dismissed if you don't get her one. I'm saying "deserve" is being used loosely, but all I know is that I deserve one...*hmph* Yeah, I said it!

I was talking to my "council" about the whole V-Day "thing" and letting them know how Mr. Unexpected said that he doesn't "practice" Valentine's Day and I said to myself...out loud:

"What kind of fantastical, cockamamie bull-jive is that?"
People should PRACTICE safe sex, you take PRACTICE tests and I hear PRACTICE makes perfect, but never in my life have I heard someone refer to a holiday as if it were a religion. I don't practice Valentine's Day either, but I would sure love to jig and jubilate with all the people that do. I mean, I get it...Valentine's Day is not rebuilding Haiti, solving global warming, it definitely won't bring Michael Jackson back and cupid hasn't found a cure for AIDS, BUT...it is just one day. One day to make her feel more "specialer" than the other 364 days of the year.

So, yeah...let's not say, "Fu¢k that Valentine's Day"...let's "practice" it!

signed,

miss young

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*A gift is something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance.

Beware of Dog

2010-01-06T12:07:00.005-05:00

It’s the top of the year and the A.B.W. is back! Nah, I say that jokingly, because I am truly NOT an Angry Black Woman, but I am frustrated. I am learning. I am becoming more set in my ways (whether good or bad) and I am just tired of making the same mistakes.
How many times have we heard that you should NOT put people in a box and that it is bad to clump a specific group of people together? Well, I am here to tell you first, that the idiot that said that must have been a man because I know first-hand that men IN GENERAL are the same. This is NOT a man bashing post. I love the fellas. You know I do! So I will be nice and say:
All men aren’t dogs, but all dogs are men…
Short, sweet and to the point!

Happy New Year.

signed,

miss young

Baby Dater?

2009-12-02T11:08:00.004-05:00

My home-skillet over at French Kissez has me questioning: Am I in the infantile stages of this here relationship thing? I read all of her posts and she sometimes poses questions at the end, like, “has this ever happened to you?” or “what did you do when…?” Wait, what? Huh? I find myself feeling like a baby-dater, because while I can relate to most things, a lot of the real “relationship” stuff, I have never experienced.

I mean, I am 26 years-old (lawd, knocking on 27) and have had crushes since I was 5 – Chucky was my booski back at Saint Bridget’s – but, I guess once I started really having relations(hips) things never ended the way “most” do. High school “relationships” do not count; and college? Those flings hold no weight either because they were just that: FLINGS. So now, in retrospect, I only count one for-real relationship and one boo as significant. I guess I have some catching up to do!

I was reading Frenchie’s post about the text-message break-up, and while I have an opinion about it (“Cowardice + 100% b!tch-move”), I have no personal experience to tie to it. As stated, I have only been in, well, one bona fide relationship and while the results were straight-up detrimental, it did not end via text message or any other new-fangled technology.

I guess I do not want to know how it feels to have the whole “dump-by-text” thing happen, because depending on the situation and the person, I may cry…at first! A T F I R S T ! People that know me understand that I go from sad to irate anywhere from 30 minutes to 24 hours post incident. Eventually, I would be calling him all types of _ock-suckers and _!tches; plus, I would blog about him and perhaps reveal his identity. <--- I’m too nice for that part, actually!

"Alls I'm saying" is that I am behind in the dating department (if you couldn’t tell from previous posts) and I would not mind having some stories like Frenchie…as long as I am the antagonistic heart-breaker.

signed,

miss young

To Date, or Not to Date: That is the Question

2009-11-30T12:27:00.005-05:00

Q: Is it pointless to date if you are not looking for/wanting/entertaining the idea of a relationship?

According to Dictionary.com “date” is defined as “a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person” and “dating” is “to make a date with; go out on dates with”.

I believe that relationships – whether business, social, romantic, etc. – should be beneficial to all parties involved and I have a hard time thinking of a situation where it is healthy to have a singly favorable connection. It happens all the time, but it just ain’t right! So keeping these definitions in mind and thinking about the premise of any relationship, why date if you want to remain single?

A business relationship…say a job interview, for example, goes from meeting the manager, to you having to “woo” them and then to you getting the job. I think the process is similar with building a friendship: you meet someone; you both get to know one another and then, either become friends or go separate ways. So in the “romantic” relationship, why meet someone you are physically attracted to, go out on dates, begin to like them and then…then… EXACTLY! Then what? The next step (if things progress naturally) would be a relationship and/or exclusivity, no? Everyone wants to be liked and/or loved, so I get it! Trust, I do. But if you have ABSOLUTELY no intention of keeping this person around as your man/lady/boo-thang, why go through the motions? Won’t the “relationship” become “singly favorable” at some point? Won’t feelings either grow or dissipate on one side? *shrugs*

Believe it or not this know-it-all has no clue! I am just wondering what you think. I personally like the idea $FREE.99 meals, good times and giggles without having to answer the next time the person calls (kidding), but after having a conversation with my b-u-d-d-y, Mr. Unexpected, I thought:

“Why do people date*?

I haven’t the slightest idea.

As I type, I wonder.

signed,

miss young

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*interchange date with ‘kick-it’, ‘hang out’, ‘cuddle’, ‘boo-love’, etc.

Do ya, do ya, dontcha: Pre-Holiday Season Edition Pt. 1

2009-11-06T14:00:00.004-05:00

DO remember the reason for the season! Give thanks, spread love and praise white Jesus for his many blessings!

DON'T try to get in the kitchen with his mom, auntie and/or sister, IF you happen to be lucky enough to get invited over for dinner. SIDELINE INFRACTION. Know your role and sit yo’ @$$ on the couch with the family dog and watch football!

DO slap yourself if you think that he will believe that you called his homeboy to ask for gift ideas. You will be instantly put in the “roller” category and you WILL be a HO…HO, HO… in his eyes!

DON’T buy him a fly gift for Christmas thinking you will get one in return. Wifey gets the good present(s); side-order, semi-boo and/or j.o. gets Bath & Body Works shower gels, body lotions and/or hand soaps…IF that. No candles or Wallflowers for you. Be grateful!

DON’T let mistletoe be the reason you catch herpes this season. NO KISSING random people just for the fun of it! Swine Flu is enough to worry about. I‘m just saying...

DO slip a little Hennessey, E & J or Grand Marnier in your egg nog. Get a little of that “daaahk licka” in you to really get the party started!

DO blast that "Jackson 5 Christmas Album"!

“I did, I really did see Mommy kissing Santa Claus. And, I’m gonna tell my daddy!”
~R.I.P. Michael Jackson

DON’T start exchanging gifts with the the j.o.! YOU, sir, will be to blame if by Valentine’s Day she is ready to move in. Enough said.

DONATE! There are many people in need this time of year. Give your time, money and love to someone in need!

DON’T fly way ‘cross the country for a surprise visit. You may be the one surprised when the REAL significant other opens the door. What could be worse than sitting in an airport, with no turkey and a puddle of tears on Thanksgiving/Christmas Day?

Introductions Are in Order...

2009-11-05T13:54:00.012-05:00

Meet, Mr. Unexpected.* He doesn’t get the long drawn out description Mr. Wonderful got – the name speaks for itself, no? – but he exists, so whatever, he gets talked about. So he and I are friends. I think he’s extra cool, he makes me laugh… He’s cool…makes me laugh… Well, yeah, he’s cool, he makes me laugh and we’ve been kicking it for a minute. Long enough that if we were in a relationship or something more than nothing, we would soon be introducing “I love you, boo!” into the mix. Ha. Not that deep, but you know what I’m talking about.

So, I haven’t slipped him the note that asks, “Do you like me? Circle YES or NO” but he does. I think. We have hung out as a duo and we have been out and about in social settings, but I would definitely say we have not been dating AT ALL…up until now**: Exhibit A – The movies.

I don’t know, but I feel like it was a cruel joke that the movie trip ended up (didn’t start off) being a “date” considering I know he read this and yeah, contrary to his belief, I did NOT ask him out and he surely, didn’t ask me. We just kind of went. {I DON’T DATE, SO IS THAT HOW IT GOES?}

pause for the cause:
Most, that know me, understand that I am kind of different. Name calling for me usually falls somewhere along: weird, crazy and unique. I fit into boxes, but not perfectly square ones and if you say left, I am, well…I am always right? [PUN INTENDED] I dance to a different drummer (that’s the saying, right?) and I fully embrace my eccentricities. I have never been the most “customary” individual and while I like to do things my way, I like to play by the rules. Whose rules, though?

I found out through this “experience” that maybe, just maybe, I believe in traditional dating…at least AT FIRST! Unbeknownst to me this was our first date and that would have been “sooo cute” (Samia’s voice) IF things went the way I thought they should have. I’m NOT traditional in many aspects and if I reflect on past “relationships”, they were FAR from the norm. Most times when the guy went by some mental rule book, I found myself above the law!

Anyways, we had a great time(as always)! Pretty normal date on the surface, but being the analyzer I am caused me to protest against aspects of the outing. I won’t delve into the details, but I will pose this question: Should the man who considers himself a nontraditional dater pay for [at least] the first date?

I am from the school of ‘I can do it all for myself’, so I do not employ the belief that the man MUST pay for EVERY date! Don’t get it twisted, if he chose to…I would PLAYFULLY object, but let him have his way. [tee hee] I am no princess, but I deserve it and would make up for his generosity in other areas our “sitcha-ation”. I can hold my own and always like to be an equal participant. You drive everywhere; I fill up your tank. You buy the chicken; I cook it. Even at the movies: I can dig paying for the snacks if you get the tickets…and so on! That all works for me…

…except in the case of a first date…ESPECIALLY if I didn’t ask him out.

Men and women have their respective roles and if we are untraditionally dating, it can be assumed that sometime during the “courtship” I will take over the “man” role and start laying down the law. I am 60” of slim-goodness, but I act like I am Goliath up in this bizznitch and if we are doing things “differently”, let’s:

“Mr. Unexpected,
go fix me a plate!”

signed,

miss young

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*No egos were bruised in the making of this post
**one date ≠dating

Nature's Own Nak

2009-10-30T09:20:00.013-04:00

Some of you may know that I am now ALL NATURAL (under my current weave…LOL) in terms of hair texture! I made the decision a while back to go natural because…well, I really don’t know why! My sister, Takeyah, of Core Connection (shameless plug), knows how much I would tease her about her “nappy locs” (THE LITTLE STRANDS OF HAIR THAT FALL TO THE FLOOR) that would gather in the corners of her apartment and how much I despise the untamed, “push-back poof” that natural women don. Put some water on that mess – water, gel, oil…SOMETHING! When the thoughts of going natural surfaced, I blew them away with a “12-gauge- shotty” because I didn’t want anyone to believe that I was one of those “Protest Against Perms” type of sistas. Matter of fact, I don’t even use the word “sista” unless I am referring to my SISTER, Keisha or my SISTER, Takeyah.

So while I didn’t make the transition, the thought was still there and suddenly I became obsessed with natural hair. I would admire women I saw on the train and I began stalking women on YouTube that made the choice to record videos as they embarked on their own natural hair journey. In doing so, I learned all kinds of terms and about all the different product options, yada, yada, yada… Now I am natural!

Like I said, I am now natural and coming up soon I have a three-part post about how I got to where I am on my natural journey. I think everyone should go natural. There are so many options now-a-days and many just think their hair will be “nappy,” but have had perms for so long that they really have no clue how beautiful their God-given curls are. Many people have inspired me through the process and I would love for them to do the same for you!

Check out my YouTube favs:
tracema
xGOLDn
misskrisnew
BeautifulBrwnBabyDol
shiaboo1989
BlackOnyx77
sheacocoaluv
+ lo-key 1ofmYfAvoritepPL, Jennifer Musu!
LOVE HER!

I will be back next week for part 1
of my two-part hair journey post!

signed,

miss young

TRUE BLUE FAN: Jay-z Concert Rundown!

2009-10-28T14:32:00.010-04:00

I had a B-L-A-S-T ! GREAT seats, high energy and airbrushed backdrops in the lobby for the “thug at heart”… what else could a TRUE Jay-z fan ask for? I got in the joint just in time for Wale to perform “Pretty Girls” and “Sexy Lady”…two songs this TriniJersAtlanTallaDC girl loves to beat her feet to! Okay, okay…I don’t beat my feet, BUT I thoroughly enjoy the vibe go-go ushers in. Good job, Wale + UCB!

As N.E.R.D. came on I started to take a seat to rest my dogs, but geez, Pharell…looked so cute with his extra-smedismall shirt, I had to get up and rock my head and jump a bit. Raaaar! I digress. The performance was live. Mad people sat down, but hey…we were in Baltimore – enough said. I’m not judging. I’m JUST saying.

“OWWWW! IT'S STAR TIME. THIS MAN IS MADE!
HE'S KILLIN’ ALL Y'ALL JIVE TURKEYS…”
I could barely control my excitement. I hadn’t seen Jay-z since he was at Atlanta Birthday Bash mad long ago and the anticipation was building all this time. Some people love him and some don’t, but I think ALL should be able to admit that he has a “presence” about him – energy…an aura. The man is dope! Period. He performed many-a-hits, engaged the audience and made me “scream 'til [my] lungs g[o]t sore”! When something is as great as he was/is there really is no need to make the description a laborious thing…

I give it ★★★★★!
Just throw a monkey wrench in the joint, why dontcha?

CHANGE CLOTHES. Girls were in there wearing {fake} Coogi dresses (#WDDDA) and “Chanel” all willy-nilly. I was so distracted until…

Wait? Did Memphis Bleek really go change clothes like someone even noticed he was on stage in the first place. I mean, don’t get it twisted, I LOVE(d) BLEEK, but the digital pyrotechnics “exploding” on stage already had my eyes playing tricks on me, so did I really need to see a wardrobe switch-a-roo from one black Rocawear t-shirt to another…black Rocawear t-shirt? Jay-z didn’t even wear that mess. *disturbed* I guess it’s like Jay said: “Bleek could be one hit away his whole career. As long as I'm alive, he's a millionaire.” I’m salty!

All-in-all, as a REAL fan, I had a VERY good time. I think had I not listened to EVERY one of the songs he performed (practically right before the show), I would have had an even more enjoyable show, but it was DEF worth the time and money! I will say that I kind of don’t get down with the “HOVA” chant simply because…eh…the ONLY “Hova” I want to worship is “Jehovah Jireh my provider. His grace is sufficient for me…”

AHHH… “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PUT OUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR THE ASTONISHING...
H TO THE IZZ-O...V TO THE IZZ-A...”

Until next time, Jay-z!

signed,

miss young

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Let’s Do Shy Brother…

2009-10-19T13:53:00.003-04:00

Maybe I need a gimmick.

Surprisingly enough, this "social butterfly" is a shy-guy when it comes to certain situations. I was raised by a mother that instilled independence in me, but acted upon her "take charge" attitude in most situations. My mommy would make the necessary phone calls, straighten whomever was NOT acting right and fought for what was right...at all costs. I mean, Germain would go to war with the sales person for a .0001% discount, if need be. With that said, I developed all the necessary “skills” to be the "I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T" woman that Webbie described, but I just stored those abilities in my memory bank because mommy "handled" my legwork. My “goons” weren’t far behind in other words.

My personality is that of a chatty, socially-rounded individual (OR SO I LIKE TO THINK), BUT being accustomed to a “strong, Black woman” speaking up for me as a child may have stunted my swag-game. (LMAO AT MY WORD CHOICE) I have a way with words (written communication), but I am NOT the “sell water to a well” type. I don’t have the innate gift-of-gab ~~or maybe I do~~. *lots of shrugging* Rephrase:Mommy may have hindered my ability to approach men that I am potentially interested in.

I know how to bat my eyes and smile a lot (showing ALL 28 as I say), but my timidity and fear of rejection has rendered me unable to even say, “Hello, I am Mrs. Right. What’s your name, mister?” to a cutie.

My overt {mental} fact checking does not seem to help the situation much. I usually STARE instead of building up the courage to ”pounce” my prey. I am asking myself: Is he even worth the attention? Is his incisor out of place? Are his shoes hard bottom or soft, orthopedic style? Should I wink? Yeah…~~I will wink~~ NO. Those who know me KNOW I can’t wink worth $h!t. Maybe I will employ a wing-(wo)man of sorts. Yeah. Maybe I, too, need a “shy brother” gimmick.

Hmmm… "Shy brother works every time.” ~~Maybe underneath all of this coyness, I am a “mans' lady” (opposite of a ladies' man) like J.T. and am dumbing-down my “game”…~~

Just chit-chatting!

The Movie-Date: Something Like a Phenomena

2009-10-01T08:05:00.004-04:00

“…let's do somethin’ out of the ordinary, like catch a matinée, baby…You are the proto…” s c r e e e e e c h. W h a m! Pow! W h i z! Eh eh!
Let’s pause before we start calling people prototypes - “model” daters!

Sad but true, a movie date would be a welcomed surprise right about now. And while the “gent” [side eye] that takes me to the matinée (as a for-real date) is far from prototypical, he just may garner an additional ‘+1’ (on my mental scale) for being the first guy, since Mr. Wonderful and I went to see Miracle at St. Anna, to take me to the movies.

For some time now, I have been wondering if “men” have regressed in the dating department or have women not progressed in their dating criteria? In college, sophomore year, when people finally moved off campus and got their cars, I remember going on beaucoup movie-dates. Okay, maybe NOT mad “dates,” but I went, dang it! The only dilemma at that time was whether I got upgraded to Tallahassee Mall or not; or if I had the screw-face when we pulled up at the $1 Movie or dreadful-@$$ Governor’s Square Mall.

Those are memories of a younger time and at 20 years-old, in a city where no one was “committed” and just a few venues were date-worthy, the movies seemed parallel with a golden ticket.

“Yup…we going to the movies, girl! Uh huh…! I don't know...Tallahassee Mall, I hope! What should I wear?”
Those were embryonic expectations – the ideals of a college K I D. So why at 26 has my dating game retreated and taken the backseat to BBM-boning (the new phone-bone) and venturing vicariously into the dating lives of reality stars? The answer is simple (I presume): I let it get this way. *shrugs*Right? NO!

An older, hip friend of mine says, “Well, I can see why dudes don’t take girls out anymore because it is so expensive just to do the basic movie-date.” Well, is the economy REALLY a reason to skimp on my Milk Duds? Can I get the nachos, slushie AND candy? “To whom much is given, much is expected.” So, seriously, fellas, if you haven’t taken the time to go above and beyond at least once, what makes you think that your subpar tomfoolery – dates, conversations, Twitter RTs – warrants more than a simple, “thanks”? Give a little and maybe you will get a lot.

Movie-date it is:
I have gone from something (dates in early 2008) to nothing (no dates since 2008), so while there is EVERYTHING average and mundane about going to the movies and having ol’ boy put his arm around me in those uncomfortable bucket seats, am I thirsty for saying that my expectations are beyond the movie-date, but I wouldn’t mind going on one.

In conclusion:
“let's go...let's go...to the movies… yeah“

signed,

miss young

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Do ya, do ya, dontcha: The "Men Lie, Women Lie, Numbers Don't" Edition

2009-09-29T08:45:00.023-04:00

This post is not to scare, gross out or turn off ANYONE. Some of the items are still light-hearted and the facts are not cited; however, I challenge you to do some research of your own.

DON’T trust a big butt & a smile…that girl JUST may be poison(ous). Everything that looks good isn’t and just because she is in the club looking jazzy, does not mean she is getting tested and/or taking her meds.

FACT: While it is harder for women to transmit AIDS (and other diseases) to their partners, it is possible. Over 50% of women infected with gonorrhea show no symptoms.

DON'T believe that EVERY gay man wants you, fellas! While some gay men are “straight-chasers,” you can barely “pull” the women that you’re interested in, let alone the gay persuasion. Quit your HOMO(phobic) banter and get over yourself.

QUOTE: “The straight guys [I’m] actually attracted to, are not necessarily the ones [I] would go out and have a beer with.” –some gay guy in an article I read

DO refrain from kissing any- and everybody. You are NOT 19 years-old anymore (as if it were cute then) and you are NOT on Spring Break.

FACT: In the United States, more than 80% of the adult population has oral herpes!

Eeeek.

DON'T lie. It is easier for women to accept the truth even when it is horrible. Men…ya’ll just can’t handle the truth…EVER!

EXAMPLE:
Guy: I want another girlfriend for Mondays, Wednesday s and every other Sunday, but I want you to stick around.
Girl: Okay, but she better not eat up all the food while she is here.

See, women accept even the craziest of truths. I’m telling you…

DO enter every relationship – friendship, romantic, sexual, etc. – with honesty, but DON’T divulge too much information and make yourself an easy target for future backlash. We all know the minute you tell a person something, he/she has the power to use it against you.

LEARN FROM ME: Been there, done that. All bad. The whole, “I am an open book and have nothing to hide,” never ceases to backfire. I am STILL learning my lesson.

DON’T tell your boo(ty call) that they are the best you ever had…IF it is not true. What are you going to do when it (the person, relationship, connection) gets old? Wallow in the slums of mediocrity until you get the balls to be truthful? Uh-uh…

DON’T believe that chivalry is dead. Men: Just because women accept less, does not mean you shouldn’t give more than what is expected. Women: QUIT ACCEPTING LESS (myself included)!

TIP: Read Bereolaesque: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette Book for the Urban Sophisticate & follow him on Twitter for your dose of “act right.” BONUS: He says “Pleasantries” after everything!

DON'T assume and DO some research. Quit acting surprised when you find out she was arrested for battery or that he slept with your cousin. If you asked the right questions (and/or checked the government’s public records…LOL) you would have known!

TRUTH: A little reconnaissance never hurt. Google me, baby!

DON'T send your representative! College was your last opportunity for re-invention, so if you start off as Dr. Jekyll, please don’t have Mr. Hyde show up three months down the line.

TRUTH BE TOLD: There are meetings for individuals with Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder, but unless you have been diagnosed, quit acting like multiple people and be you from the start.

White After Labor Day

2009-09-22T07:48:00.009-04:00

I’m gon’ wear my white. I may even date ‘em!

Bobby D’s got Grace. Asher Roth has some Black chick. Shia even had RiRi (if only for one night) and Matt has Camila. Well, she’s Brazilian, but still quite chocolaty. Halle has Gabriel. The point is that white may no longer be taboo!?!?

We’ll see…
Boo-hunting season was a bust. No boos. No hunt. NOTHING! As the weather changes, so does the game: no more of the chase (because I have NO game + that did NOT work out so well anyway). On to a new phase: The "Boy-Craze Phase"! Unlike the "hunt," there is no pursuit in the boy-craze phase. The beauty lies within looking, seeing + wondering. Okay, okay…on occasion, maybe a little touching and dabbling.

Let's be real...I do this anyway; however, this time around, the game is open to "others". First up…being “pretty fly for a white guy.” No more being limited SOLELY to "brothers," because honestly, I do not get that much love + the ones that show me love are UNDESERVING of their affections being reciprocated. PAUSE FOR A DISCLAIMER

Disclaimer: The first thing Black men like to say when a Black women questions their “manhood” or ability to be a good man is ask whether or not the Black woman is worthy. So yes, I AM “wifey material” despite what the Twitter trending topics may say. While times ARE hard and YES, I have a child, BUT I have a lot more going for me than the Black men whom have recently pursued me. “Who gon’ check me, boo?”

I digress…
You know what? White IS no longer taboo. I am saying all of this as a way to psych myself up as I try to convince you of the same and in turn persuading you to test it out first! I am a lot more bark than bite. What can I say?

I am just saying that maybe we…
★ African American women who are stuck in a box and believe that our mates should resemble our daddy’s (and/or other Black men)…
★ Black men that look down on the possibility of their sisters, cousins, exes dabbling in the “swirl” but in fact feel threatened…
★ White men scared to “taste” the milk chocolate…
…should be more open to the POSSIBILITIES! That’s all they [white men] are…OPTIONS – Options that have, in our pasts, been untapped.

As with everything, I have a preference. I don’t want the white guy from WhiteBoyz. I like the P.H.A.T. (pretty hot and tempting) cuties like George Clooney, Eddie Cibrian (Cuban, but still not Black), Paul Walker and of course, Justin “Justin-Bobby” Brescia! *swoon + hearts in eyes* I mean he, too, can love Jay-z and strip clubs, but I want him to be himself and while being able to adapt to a different culture, be rooted in his own.

Anyways, I am just talking and as you know, when I am “just saying,” I can go on FOREVER. This subject brings up many issues and can be the subject of debate.

Talk to me; tell me what you think!

signed,

miss young

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Just Talking: Dream Killers

2009-09-10T14:33:00.001-04:00

Inspired by Ciara because she knows her strengths & my homie Micah who will play pro-ball one day (I will be his sideline wifey) despite the struggle!

{Me talking to the doubters} You didn't create the dream in me, so you can't kill it. I am the only one allowed to doubt what I can do and/or my abilities. God is the ONLY one who can build them up!

{Me talking to you} Do not let people who are too scared to dream, imagine and believe, let you think that an idea is too far-fetched or out of your reach. In the words of some rapper or something: F+[k what a hater say! I am usually witty (or so I think) in writing these posts, but some things need to be to the point; straight, no chaser:
DO NOT "let these dream killers
kill your self esteem."
It's funny how the people you love the most can sometimes be the very individuals that want to see you remain in the same position -stagnant, complacent, motionless and apathetic.

I learned the hard way. I always say hindsight IS 20/20.

When someone, even a "loved" one, constantly shuts you down for chasing a dream that has been planted in you, JUST because they are unhappy, allegedly "grounded" in reality or cynical, learn to rebuke them just like you would Satan. ("I rebuke you in the name of Jesus! Satan, get thee behind me." Yeah, all of THAT. Lol!) Honestly, in my opinion, it IS an evil spirit. There is enough success for us all to have it, so who are they to tell you different or to make you feel inferior?
"So what you have a full-time job that pays
$15,000 more than what I make.
What God has building in me is priceless!"
Some of you may know that when asked what job I would do for FREE if given the opportunity, and I have always said, "...image consulting, but more specifically personal shopping." I have gone through my times of being diligent about starting that up...even have (partial) business plans, web content, etc. However, afters years of hearing that I am very talented, but out of my mind to have such high-hopes, I have talked myself out of it EVERY time. My fault!

I am a believer that if you don't use your God-given talent*, He will take them away. So while I do not want to be an "author" until about 35 or 40 years old, I have decided to blog. I don't get paid for this (obviously). Matter-of-factly, ya'll barely read this (HA!), but I am doing what I love; honing my craft.

STOP supporting people that do not support you and your dreams. I get so sick and tired of going to my "friends'" events or commenting on their blogs or doing their hair and the minute I post a link you can't even visit the site . Its about respect and reciprocity. Get you some. LOL!

But seriously: "...I could let these dream killers kill my self-esteem or use my arrogance as the steam to power my dreams..."

I am still trying to follow my own advice, but do what you love people!

MATTHEW 25:14-30

Do ya, do ya, dontcha... End of Summer Edition

2009-09-02T10:02:00.008-04:00

DON'T wear your sunglasses on top of your head ANYMORE. It is NOT a headband and while you MAY have gotten away with it this summer, it won't pass GO in the fall. That's almost as bad as wearing them on your face in the club.

DO maintain your workout regimen. I don't work out, but if you have a hard time getting rid of the blubber, then year-round workouts are for you.

DON'T stop getting groomed. The toes, "wands" and "boxes" need to continually be primped. [DID I JUST CALL THE PRIVATE PARTS "WANDS" AND "BOXES"? HILAR!]

DON’T keep your tattered, chlorine saturated, knot-having weave past Labor Day. That, right there, is unacceptable. I've got a needle, some thread and a track with your name on it.

DO watch some re-runs of "Sex in the City" (and maybe peek at some my FB albums) and step your game up.
"I'm NOT the flyest, but..."

DON'T understand why your summer boo-thang is acting up? Well it's because summer break-ups make for great Fall make-ups. Chicka chicka yeah!

DO erase all of the DNAs (do not answers) out of your phone & re-up before the Christmas holidays. Keep Christ in Christmas...but keep a wish list too! [wink]

DO realize that "people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." Welp, season is over...you may be too! Let's call in the replacements.

DON'T forget the Carmex. Crusty lips are NEVER okay and when those harsh winds hit...you need a little protection.

DO dabble in a little white after Labor Day. While it is taboo, Kathy Ireland said it's okay. Watch me in my winter white!

Call before you come: Don't be the "drop-by" guy!

2009-08-31T17:17:00.011-04:00

Most of you know the drop-by guy or you are that guy:
CUT IT OUT!
Once again, that evil double standard has reared HIS ugly head: Why is it okay for guys to tell you when they are coming over? Dude, so what I am sitting here...doing absolutely NOTHING; I'm doing nothing without you, that's for-damn-sure! Let me say, "[insert name], I'm RIGHT by your house and I am coming over!" Puh-lease...I would be all sorts of crazy AND he would wonder why I just happened to be by his house. You know I am right!

We all know that old "adage," "Ain't nothing open after midnight besides legs and Waffle House" (or some variation of it), so why is it that men still think it is okay to call/BBM/text (in the wee hours of the morning) and say, "Oh, I am right up the street and I am stopping by"? You're what? Who the hell are you? If I have no intention of "doing" you, then do not get mad when I tell you to keep on driving past my crib.

"What? You can't find a parking spot?
Oh, that's funny because the guy who I WANT over here didn't have a problem finding a place to park."

I'm saying: If you are an established booty-call, the rules are a little less restrictive and more liberal. However, men fail to realize that (while women may be called all types of hoes and sluts) they may NOT be the ONLY "homie" that is rolling through.

To avoid hurt feelings, just call. Wait, don't JUST call and leave a message and head on over anyways. Naw...naw...you to need ask if you CAN come over. Not only should you call and ask before you come...but you need confirmation: a verbal acceptance letter, of sorts.

You're up the street? SO! You need to use the bathroom? There's a tree along the road. You hear the music through my door? ...eeek! You just want to cuddle? GTFOHWTBS!

"I'll call before I come.
I won't just pop over, out the blue.
I hope that you do too..."

signed,

miss young

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Girl Stop: The "I don't get along with other women" woman

2009-08-07T01:04:00.021-04:00

This one is for you Dani B.!

With my passive-aggressive antics, Napoleonic tendencies and "honesty," I have only come across a few "itchbays" that I couldn't get along with. Notice I said a few, meaning that there are one or two of you that I just DO NOT LIKE, but for the most part, I get along with everyone. Anyways, that is not important, but what is, is when women say they do not like other women or the infamous line:
"I ONLY have male friends because
girls just don't like me!"
~some BISH! [Twitter word]
We have ALL heard it before and ALL have given the well-deserved *side eye* to the woman-CHILD that seems to think it is her against the rest of the women she encounters. subconscious: Seriously, you're the common denominator, don’t cha think? Don’t get me wrong: it is cool to be “one of the guys” and to be able to hang with the best of them, but at what point do you, as a WOMAN, stop identifying with those that resemble you in physicality, mentality and often times, feminality? [In lay[wo]man terms=other women]

If you find yourself to be the chick that cannot go out in a group of girls or if you’re the girl that LOOKS like the star character in a gang-bang, maybe you should up your “sportsmanship”. I am not the most “sporty” girl out there, but here’s what I mean:
In every sport there are rules: you respect the game you’re playing, play fair with your teammates and learn to lose. When on a “team” [TEAM =YOUR GROUP OF GFs] you must realize that there is an MVP. However, when it comes to your girls, that role shifts depending on the night and who is on the prowl. DO NOT FIGHT YOUR FRIENDS, FIGHT FOR THEM! If you can’t handle sharing the spotlight, you are what is considered, in “the game”, a sore loser, LOSER!
At the end of the day, “sportsmanship typically is regarded as a component of morality”; therefore, if you can’t get along with women here are four things you should ask yourself:
1. Am I just a hating-@$$ [j]oe?
2. Do I steal men?
3. Am I super-head-esque?
4. Am I: a. catty? b. trifling? c. hooker-ish?
They all may seem like the same question, but these simple-simon types of women are dumb as doorknobs and need it spelled out in many ways. Where do these hussies get off?

Moral of the story[Said in the most hood-rat-ish voice]: Save the “Ronnie hoe quotes” and get you some girl friends.

signed,

miss young

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Do ya, do ya, dontcha... Single Ladies Edition

2009-07-21T11:46:00.006-04:00

DON'T ask me to massage your back, negro! I am not a massage therapist. I do not hand out robes. And no, I am NOT “finishing” you off.

DO make me smile, be a great conversationalist and pick up on my hints of flirtation.

DON'T tell me I am “extra sexy”, “a hottie with a body”, “good enough to eat” or anything like that if you have a girlfriend. What does it matter how I look ~~unless you want your girl to look like me~~?

DON’T expect me to get over the fact that you are “technically” married or even legally separated. I won’t have her and your kids coming after me based off of your foolishness.

DO OFFER to buy me a beverage or pay for my meal. Recession or not, it's a kind gesture (even if I say "No!")

DO understand that I am single…NOT desperate for your affection, time and/or conversation. *rolling my neck* I can do bad all by myself!

DON'T try to call my bluff! If I act like a hard-@$$ with a "wall" built up, let it be unless you want what is behind the façade.

DON’T tell me to save your number in my phone. I’m more than like NOT going to call and I PROMISE you will be saved in my phone as “DNA”.
(DNA = DO NOT ANSWER)

DO something unusual and out of the box. I hate surprises because I NEVER get surprised by anything good.

DON'T be lame and ask me questions that you really shouldn’t want to know the answer to.
{i.e. “What kind of lip gloss is that? MAC or Cover Girl?” ~random guy on U Street}

My Boy's Got a Boyfriend...

2009-07-16T03:08:00.016-04:00

So, I just watched a re-run of MTV True Life: I’m Bi-Sexual and I had to reach out to my public. (Don’t I sound like I have a large following? LOL)

I will say a few things up front:
1. I go along with mainstream society and think that it is more “acceptable” for women to “experiment” with same-sex partners.
2. While I do not like seeing men make-out, I am okay with men being 100% homosexual.
When I see women sloppily making out and there are strings of saliva attached to both of their mouths when they separate, I think: “Oh…drunken-hot girls [gone ape-$hit] who are just ‘hooking up’ but have boyfriends at home!” I am not thrilled by the site of it, I do not want to join in, but after seeing it, I don’t regurgitate my last ingested meal. Contrary to popular belief, it is NOT cool. Fantasies about what you would do if you could, are totally different from what and who you actually do.

boredom ≠ hooking up with your BFF &
her BFF
…On to the fellas!
“Girl, I am just gay on the weekends!”
As a heterosexual 20-something , I find NO comfort in imagining men being into other men AND me. It’s not fair. I don’t like it. If you like me then you best-to-not like “he” too. Bi-sexuality amongst men gives me the willies and I can’t shake the feeling. I said it. Sorry.

I CAN'T LIE: this post is not only inspired by the True Life episode; it was also prompted by this nice fellow I “know” who has a decoy girlfriend. It’s wrong to judge people [I know, I know], but dude, that ain’tcha girl…you ain’t got to lie, Craig! You know like I know that some people just do not belong together. When I say “do not belong together,” I mean…IDK…think: he’s the male cheerleader who took the hottest girl in school to prom. You get my drift? It’s just a façade.

I may come off in a kidding manner and I may be a little harsh on the boys, but unlike the ladies, I feel the fellas pose a threat to me. I am presently living in the land of milk and…HIV, damn it, and I refuse to act like it is A-OK for men to have girlfriends but when they get a little saucy, they touch the small of their “boys’” back (and some more things). Why am I competing with you for the affections of the hottie in the corner (who is inconspicuously eying one of us)? Not having it. A few of my, like, five followers may stop reading because of this, but I am just as honest now as I normally am. If you like to get poked, you cannot poke me, talk to me, get my number and/or compare notes with me. Period.

As usual, I could go on forever...but I won't before my tongue-in-cheek "soliloquy" becomes blatant disrespect for a community that I just do not identify with. Wouldn't it be cool is GLAAD thought I was defaming the gays? Ah-well, I'm not. I am not referencing the 100% homosexual community at all. I just want to understand how you can want the "cheeks" of both sexes. (ROFL) That's all! I think I speak for a large population of my peers (cool-@$$, boo-less Black chicks with time on their hands) when I say...A MAN WHO IS CURIOUS ABOUT BOYS IN ANY WAY
REALLY JUST LIKES BOYS.
T-Pain, if you decide to remix your song and name it My Boy's Got a Boyfriend, I will pass on jumping on the hook.

What do you think?

Mr. Wonderful: The Final Hurrah

2009-07-11T16:24:00.006-04:00

This goes out to all of the “wonderful” men/women out there and serves as my pledge to rid my life of you all. You should too!

As women – maybe people in general – we have to ability to keep taking emotional and mental hits like Bozo Bop Bag (think “Corrina, Corrina”), but instead of “Bozo,” my target reads “Dumb @$$”, “Should have known better”, “Boo-boo the fool” and sometimes “Stupid.” If I did not learn before, I need to figure it out soon: “Do not make someone your priority if you're only the option.” ( THANKSPRINXESS FOR REMINDING ME.)

GUILTY AS CHARGED: I give people that REALLY are not THAT important to me and that do not appreciate my worth, the option to lessen my value. [Kicking myself]

Hey loser, who the [expletive] are you?
Listen, I GET IT…the new car smell has worn off a LONG TIME AGO. But what I think Mr. Wonderful failed to realize (and I am here to remind him), is that it is not one-sided and the once “too good to be true” is really just convenient. Dude, there is you and there is me…I WIN EVERY TIME, sucker!

Friends. How many of us have them? I am SO super cool with negotiating the terms of ANY relationship because, let’s face it, most of them, whether it is professional, personal, marriage or not, are business deals. Let’s dust off our legal pads and chi-chat a bit. When I say “friend,” I mean that if you are driving home from out of town and at 1 a.m., an hour way from your house, you stall out…I’m coming to get you. I WILL curse you out. I will have an attitude. I WILL come get you. If you are MY friend, you will answer the phone and listen to me bawl as I complain about a situation that I cannot control. So, Mr. Wonderful, if I am a friend, let’s define those terms and live by them ~~you coward piece of sh*t~~.

GUILTY AS CHARGED: I do not take a “hint.” Why should I? I may be annoyingly communicative, but talk to me; tell me what it is. If you are secretly in love with me, tell me. [tee hee] I don’t bite. Wink! Don’t you hate when dudes call girls crazy for assuming stuff, but then if asked how up front they have been you find out that they never said what is what. Open you’re mouth, be truthful and stick with that mess.

Friendship is a two-way street and it is never a word to just throw around just because you feel it is some sort of consolation. Please, I have enough friends...they're just not physically around me. [sticks out tongue like a child] I’m just as bored with you. The thrill has BEEN over. yada...yada...yada. I’m yawning (literally).

Subconscious. This fool had the nerve to take his time speaking to me when I saw him some time ago. Concious. I will make it easy for you, when I see you in public, guess what? I don't see you. HA!

So Mr. Wonderful and everyone like you, I bid you adieu in hopes of never revisiting YOU again. “Boo-boo the fool” has left the building.

In the words of B. Scott: Bitch. Boo. Bye. Ugh, I’m jaded. You're time is up.

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Do ya, do ya, dontcha... Michael Jackson Edition

2009-06-26T13:27:00.004-04:00

DO blast your MJ music as loud as possible! However, keep it low enough that your neighbors don't call the cops.

DON'T you dare write negative things about Michael on your FB and Twitter statuses. If you weren't that into MJ...shut up!

DO pray for the Jackson family! If we are this devastated, just imagine how the family is doing.

DO bust out your vintage Michael Jackson tees...but NOT rock them if you are busting out of them!

DO prepare yourselves for me talking about Micahel for an extended period of time. Get over it, like, NOW.

DON'T lie to these other celebrities anymore (i.e. Ne-yo, Chris Brown, Usher, Omarion, etc.). They can and NEVER will be anything close to Michael Joe Jackson.

DO look at the man in the mirror and ask him to change his ways. It may work.

DON'T go out and get a Jheri-curl as a tribute to Mike. That just wouldn't be right!

DON'T keep it in the closet! "There's Something about you, baby,that makes me want to give it to you..." If you love, like, crush-on or admire someone...just tell them. That's what Mike would do!

You knock me off of my feet: Michael Jackson 1958 - 2009

2009-06-26T12:47:00.010-04:00

"Oh my God, can't believe what I saw as I turned on the TV this evening. I was disgusted by all the injustice. All the injustice"

I sit here and tears well-up in my eyes as I think of Michael Joe Jackson. He can’t be gone. I was not ready to live without him. I am definitely not a fair-weather fan. Don’t get it twisted, I serve a jealous God*, so I do not idolize Michael – I really love him, though. Unlike my “feelings” for the celebrities of today – whom I often describe as “fine ” versus talented – my “reverence” for Michael Jackson stems from nowhere but the heart. I didn’t want to lick him up and down or cuddle with him… I just want to rock with him and have him live forever as the best of all time…and he will! He will continue to be a “living” legend.

While I have never had the opportunity to meet MJ, those who know me, for real, know that I am a die-hard Michael Jackson fan and that he was very much a part of my life. If I needed a pick-me-up…I popped in Mike. If I was having a great day…it was Mike. If I was pissed off to the point where I felt like hitting someone…it was probably because they were saying something bad about Mike.

When I sit here and look at the videos that the media are playing (like they give a damn), the physical resemblances between “just look over your shoulders, honey” Michael and today’s Michael are slim; however, you can feel his energy and know that it is the same man. "This is not an image, this is God-given..."

There's a fine line between genius and insanity
God put something special in him and with that much talent and so much fame…can one really be considered sane? I watched him everyday during his trials circa summer ’05 and believed his gift, his truth…I believed in him. The media villanized, mocked and dismissed him, but you – media, haters, naysayers – didn’t give him his talent and you can never take it away. Mike was the best ever… at everything. He could probably be a rapper…if he wanted! LOL! (Okay, that was O.D.!)

I chuckle on the inside because I was preparing to celebrate Christmas in July as I always do with the Jackson 5 Christmas album. “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause” sounds just as good when the sun is beaming as it does on Christmas Eve. “Christmas just won’t be the same this year…” He was so right!

As cliché as it sounds, my earliest memories of music are of Michael Jackson and sadly, the youth of today don’t have that. My last memories of great and unadulterated talent will be Michael Joseph Jackson. He was and will always be the man.

“Help Me Sing It, Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa.
Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa”

Rest in Peace and forever in my heart.
I love you.
You knock me off of my feet, Mike!

Check out an older "Mike" post!

*Exodus 20:5

OPUS ONE: Better with time!

2009-06-03T19:06:00.003-04:00

In the midst of my life being a total disaster -in the "privileged" American terms of disaster, not, like, real world disaster - I woke up this morning and realized that "I'm the [ish] up in this b*tch!" I have no clue how rent will be paid, there is no food in the house, the naps on my head won't give and I can't seem to stop getting parking tickets...but I know that I am aight. My God is good and I'm just getting better with time. Seriously. It would behoove you to recognize it now. LOL!

Summer, get ready for me!

2009-05-22T08:40:00.002-04:00

Don't forget about me...
NEW POSTS COMING SOON!

Just venting: Let’s Not Play the Game

2009-05-21T23:10:00.001-04:00

Playing in my head: What Goes Around Comes Back Around – Justin Timberlake

I venture into the world of Facebook quite frequently. FB does not rule my world, but it is a great tool to find out about whom people truly are. From status updates to the “About Me” section, you get a feel for someone’s character. But let’s be serious, while it is more than amusing to reconnect with people who you once “knew,” many people are just acquaintances whose pages you revisit every blue moon if a quirky, anecdotal status catches your eye. I say all of that to say that I find it freaking hilarious when one day you are (FB) friends with someone and the next, you got o click on there profile and you are no longer “friends.” Wait…do we have beef? Did I wink at your man last week at that BBQ (yeah, that was me)? Oh no, I get it… she (or he) must have told you her (his) version of the story, so now we are not cool?
I say all of that to say: THERE IS ALWAYS TWO (or more) SIDES TO EVERY STORY. I go back to appreciating the fact that I have people in my corner who will tell me when I am right or wrong. We ALL need our “ride or die”/”down @$$” friend, BUT I prefer to have people that will call me out and give me a verbal spanking (thanks TC & DD), than to have a “roll dawg” who is my bff JUST because she (he) always agrees with me. I do not need a ”YES” friend. You can keep them. Have some integrity!
I felt led to say that because some people are a trip. Laugh at them with me, please?

Don’t you just love me?

signedmissyoung

Do ya, do ya, dontcha...

2009-05-04T22:53:00.005-04:00

DON’T sell yourself short. People only treat you the way you let them. I am SO trying to learn this myself.

DON'T listen to your “friend” when she it’s okay to mess with a married man. Ehh, ehh…not cool.

DO pray EVERYDAY! Why wouldn't you? This one is a repeat, but so relevant, it stays on the list.

DON'T send me “club flyers”. I DON’T LIVE IN YOUR CITY.

DO prepare yourselves: Boo-hunting season begins on May 22nd!

DON'T lie. People like it best when you tell the truth AND you get away with way more when you’re honest.

DON'T think that just because your boobs and butt fit in a bikini, that you should wear one. Hello, I can still see ALL of that belly and your fat-back is eating the bikini strings. No way, Jose!

DO start working out (if you need to) so that you can fit in those bikinis…like, yesterday. Easier said than done, huh?

DON'T make me smack you {Tee hee}.

50+ & Wee-men

2009-05-03T19:57:00.010-04:00

So, I consider myself a person who does not have a "type." I am not only into light-skinned guys or guys 6'0" and up or guys who drive a certain car...so why is it that I, little ol' me, am the chosen one for old men and itty-bitty guys. I am very picky, but I do not think that just because they like me, that I should like them back...EVERY time.

Voice in my head: Son, just because I am 5'0" DOES NOT mean I want to look at you directly in your eyes all time. Can I gaze up at you for once?
Do not get me wrong, an older man with the salt and pepper beard is hot(think: James Pickens, Jr. or Eric Dane), but seriously, when your kids and grandchildren are my age, it makes me wonder: Are you JUST a creepy old man with a penchant for P.Y.T.s? I'm not [that] hot, so don't think I want to be your showpiece.
I'm good and you're
G R O S S !
Everyone needs love and while I don't mind a short guy every once in a while, it is just not fair that I am not awarded the same opportunities as the "taller" girls. Is that too much to ask? I can handle "older," but do you really HAVE to be almost 50 years old?

(I'm on a roll) Oh, and, I should not feel like I CAN physically protect YOU or beat you down. If someone snatches my purse, are we going to "rock, paper, scissor"-it-out to see who chases the thief? Being as petite as I am, I should NOT be looking at you with the same feeling as looking at an infant, wanting to throw you over my shoulder to burp you. Seriously, baby-men...don't give me SO much love.

I'm just saying. Sigh...

Someone to Love: Tour de Tennessee

2009-05-01T09:38:00.007-04:00

Song playing in my head: Jon B. Featuring Babyface - Someone To Love (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bbl9aNJC2AM)

So after my long hiatus, I decided to let you guys know that I am somewhat of a “hopeless romantic” sorta kinda…I think. Well, I don’t know what to call myself, but whatever I am, it’s not for the right reason(s). I love all that “love” CRAPOLA, and want it for myself…I think, but I believe it is because …well, because I do not know anyone who truly has “it” and because it looks so good on television (think: Noah Calhoun in The Notebook).

I had this epiphanic moment earlier this week, when my No. 1 home-skillet called me and told me that her boyfriend sent her on a scavenger hunt. At first, I’m like, “Okay,” thinking that she meant he had her driving all around their city looking for something crazy. No, she meant he REALLY had her hunting for something. Who knew?

Her “Tour de Tennessee” began with a note that read something to the effect of: pick out a nice outfit, smell all pretty and put on some lip-shine. In other words, get all gussied up! Then he tells her to go to his aunt’s house. After there, it was someplace else and then another. You get the point.

Well, while I am listening to her speak, I start to get all excited. I start to psyche myself (and her) up:

Me: O-M-G! He is going to propose. O-M-G, what are you wearing? Wait, he is going to propose.

My Friend: Maybe. I don’t know, Nak.

Me: OMG! OMG! OMG! (The anticipation building all up, up, up in my throat even)

My Friend: I don’t know because why would he have me go to [insert location]?

Me: Insert fabricated details about why he was telling her to go where he did and stuff that did not truly, in real life, make sense.

You can see where this conversation started to go: my imagination was triggered. I started doing what I do well: "make a mountain out of a molehill." I start embellishing and making the seemingly impossible, possible. I live vicariously through her. I was never a “marriage” person so-to-speak, but I became one when I thought that I would be…well, getting married. I felt like I was close at one point and now I am back to square one. That in itself is VERY okay, but it makes any and every possibility of marriage something exciting for me. Selfish? Yes. Am I ashamed? NO.

So my "Once upon a time" night ended in dinner for my friend and I was left alone in Neverland (SE DC).(SIGH)
I wanted my friend to get engaged because I am hoping that in helping her plan (please, please, please let me help you plan your wedding?) her wedding I can make her into the bridezilla I know I will be (in the future). If one or all of my closest friends gets engaged, I then, will be a bridesmaid. If my not-so-close friends get married…I can at least attend.

See this whole thing has nothing to do with the “forever” part, but it has a WHOLE ‘LOT to do with me. {Moral of the story} I love “love” and all, but because I am giving it and no one is reciprocating, I just want to be in your wedding and eat cake. LOL!

“Someone to love…Someone to touch…Someone to hold…
Oh someone to know…”

2009-04-23T18:13:00.002-04:00

Don't forget about me...
NEW POSTS COMING SOON!

Mr. Wonderful - UPDATE

2009-04-10T12:44:00.002-04:00

Please, let’s refer to him, if we must, as Mr. “Once was, but is no longer.” Times change and people change. No matter how much you think you know someone or how “cool” they say they are/will be…they’re not. That includes me, too. Mr. Wonderful has degenerated…BIG TIME.

WHAT ONCE WAS IS NO LOGER...sigh! No contact whatsoever, really. Forget all the other things I described in the previous entry (Mr. Wonderful). Things went from bad to worse; from dumb to dumber.

I, by default, am the “crazy” one. No, no, no… he hasn’t said it (to me at least), but I know that the fact that I am even writing this places me in the same category as the “girls” whom slit tires, stab and take bottles of sleeping pills. However, the reality is quite the contrary. I find it crazier to let your "representative" speak for you than it is to demand answers, but WHATEVS!
Whether you (those who have the pleasure of knowing me) consider this a positive or a negative, I AM CONSISTENT. I act the same around everyone. I have grown up, I have kneaded out some kinks AND I have adopted some bad behavior, but I am the same person. Get like me, people. So, that being said, I find it insane of MW (yes, chalk him up to JUST an abbreviation)to just disappear: physically, emotionally and all the other “–allys”.

I started to feel like he was super ashamed of me. When a person has a full schedule, no time for you (me) but yet winds up tagged (on FB) in a million pictures from EVERY party, you begin to think…

“Is he...is this fool embarrassed by me?”
If you go playing in the snow on an a weekend that is important to me (and most women) just simply let me know. You don’t have to invite me, but say something. Damn, common courtesy? Respect? Am I not “good enough” to be around the people you hang out with? (The “cool” thing comes into question again.) Do I have to remind this dude that I am the "cool" one?

Job? Check. Place of my own? Check. Working car? Check. All of my teeth and limbs? Check. What could be the problem? I MUST HAVE DONE "SOMETHING" WRONG! riiiiiiiight! Get serious.

Not to be a "Debbie-downer," but everything reminds me of how things were: post-“just kicking it” and pre-“this negro must have bumped his head and turned stupid.” I find myself laughing out loud (and pouting) in public at things that were said or things that we did. ALERT: Inside jokes are only funny when the other half of the joke is there to laugh too.

Let's face it, I miss my “M-I-S-T-E-R...mister” (A Color Purple reference), but he is no longer mine. What a difference a year makes. I'm not tripping though. Just G reminded me that "boo-hunting" season begins bright and early on May 21st! Remember, the early bird gets the worm (all puns intended)! Any takers? Ha!

"It don't take a whole to recognize sunshine."

Pet Peeve: Sitters vs Squatters

2009-04-07T13:01:00.004-04:00

This may seem a bit weird, but I feel as though everyone can relate. Well, first, let me start of by saying...I am a little weird. Secondly, the things that gross me out and annoy me are a little weird too. Tell me what you think!

So…yeah, you know how you walk into the ladies stall and there is the "mystery" someone that you actually know because of their shoes? Yeah, them. I was pushed by some "bathroom god" to write this because I am so fed up with people - "others" - sitting their bare bottoms on the dirty-@$$ toilet seats.

For your own health and for my sanity, please gracefully line the seats with toilet paper or a seat liner. Then sit you nasty butt down. The fact that you sit on the toilet with your bare nakedness, means you do other nasty things…but that’s a whole ‘nother entry.

Back to the subject at hand: That little crack in between the door is oh so “telling.” Trust, I do not want to see your fat thighs falling over the seat, by any means, but when I walk into the bathroom hoping to get to my favorite stall, I ever so begrudgingly see a full-on sitter. What ever happened to "the squatters"? I remember being, like, 5 and my mother balancing my feet on top of the toilet and coercing me to squat, aim and complete with no fuss. Am I to believe that your mother’s didn’t give you the same lesson? Am I to believe that only Germain (my mommy) was teaching “toilet tales” circa ’88? I am disgusted and just plain horrified.

Am I the only person who is offended by the “sitters”?

Wait, this whole tirade just reminded me of a time when I thought sitting vs. squatting was hilarious. It was a few years back when a few friends and I went out in Atlanta. Anyone who ever frequented the clubs back then (before they crucified them all) knows that after the club, the ONLY place open is the IHOP on Peachtree Street. Well, we had to go to the bathroom BAD. The people in IHOP were straight tripping (as usual) with their hand-written signs: “NO BATHROOM WITHOUT PURCHASE”. My girl then proceeded to buy an orange juice and bee lined to the bathroom. I was not far behind. As I walked in, that damned “crack” (pun intended) revealed itself and I busted out: “Coco*, are you sitting on the seat?”

We laughed hysterically for a VERY long time after that. I couldn’t believe that MY friend sat her bare behind on the nasty IHOP toilet seat.

“I was squatting and then I lost my balance and just said [ef] it,” she said.

“Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol…”

Moral of the story is: QUIT BEING NASTY!

*Name changed to, of course, protect the drunken.

"Quarters, nickels, dimes...or dollars!"

2009-04-03T19:38:00.004-04:00

I used to have such a soft spot for homelessness. Actually, I still REALLY do. But times are just different and a few of the "regulars" are starting to piss me off...royally.
There have been many times where I have given the homeless guy at the top of the Steve Reynolds Blvd. exit ramp my last $5 bill. However, as we all know, this here recession is absolutely no joke.
I am not mad at their situations or the fact that they spend a majority of their day pan-handling. I never judge them because whether or not they are legitimately getting a bite to eat or hustling for their next "dranky-drank" I am a paycheck or two from where they are. "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away," and you never know what seemingly good idea/action/decision turned bad for them.
You all know, it is not what you say, it is how you say it. So while I am super fine with the guy I see EVERYDAY asking me for money E V E R Y D A Y....

What I want to say is: Patnah, so, uhm, what you're saying (with your little rhythmic jingle) is that you don't accept pennies?

"Quarters, nickels, dimes...or dollars!"

Taking it back...

2009-04-03T19:38:00.001-04:00

Case & Joe - Faded Pictures

Dave Hollister - One Woman Man

Do ya, do ya, dontcha...

2009-04-02T00:09:00.004-04:00

DO wear white, but don't over-do it. If you're fly you can get away with anything, but please NO patent-leather knee boots this summer!

DON'T show rolls or fat back. I will say this one until you get it.

DO pray EVERYDAY! Why wouldn't you?

DON'T wear sneakers to a "night out." Men AND women this means to the club, on a date or to a lounge.*

DO wear your size in clothing and shoes. The "baggy" look has been out for a while and ladies, showing your goodies (or corns) is not gangster.

DO get a Brazilian wax. You will love it!

DON'T wear a bad weave. There is never a time when that is okay. A good one is too easy to come by.

DON'T stop smiling. Why would you?

DO show your ex that you are over him/her by looking extra snazzy. Fake it until you make it.

DO appreciate the small things in life. You may not win the war, but a battle here and there is cool too.

DON'T believe the hype. Think for yourself!

*Please refer to the first "Do". I know a few that can pull it off.

So you're just going to let her wear that purple, leopard-printed polyester?

2009-03-28T23:24:00.012-04:00

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of seeing H.A.M.s in the cl-izzz-ub and the trifling “friends” that neglectfully egg them on. Friend, it is your fault! YOU let her come out the house in that purple polyester, leopard printed number. It was YOU that told "ya boi" that “lay-days” love the guy in the club with the BluBlockers on. It is YOU, you, you “friend” that told her she did NOT have to suck in just because she lost 25 lbs (from the 225 that she weighed previously). You have heard me say it before, “I blame the friend.” I stand by it and I want you – the friend - to hold yourself accountable for your wrongs.

Life is tough as it is. People are losing their jobs, AIDS is on the rise (in DC at least...eeek), the globe is warming... You get it: life is just not easy and people just need to relax every once in a while to forget the problems. Just a little socializing can’t hurt, right? I get it. I am all for it, actually. Go on ahead and give yourself permission to have fun. Get all gussied up. Get your footloose on. But ABSOLUTELY...by ANY means necessary...prohibit yourself (and/or your homegirl/homeboy) from "looking a donkey" in public.

I AM SAYING “NO” TO LIQUID LEGGINGS ON THE BIG JAWNS.
IMMEDIATELY, seize ALL "wear-age"
of clear heels.
Put down that extra piece of bacon and those booty shorts and pick up a girdle and bra.
Phew…that was burning a hole in my soul and I just had to get that off my chest.

M o v i n g a l o n g . . .

I must confess: there has been a time or two when I let a not so “kosher” get-up walk clear ‘cross the threshold just because I knew it would take a whole ‘nother hour before we would get out of the door. Sorry! Forgive me.

Matter-of-factly, We ALL have those times when we look at pictures from the past and think, “what in the hell was I thinking?” Not just nostalgic thoughts of the styles from “back in the day,” but more like, “was that EVER, ever, ever, ever fly?” I’ve been there…I can’t lie. But I was not to blame. It was my friends’ fault. Period. They let me out of the house.

{Present day} I always remind myself that I a may not be the "flyest"; however, I do pride myself in “walking tall” and carrying myself pretty darn well. We all fall down, but I feel I have surrounded myself with friends that will ask me, when needed, “what the hell is that?” and that are not afraid to say, “Nak, eh eh, take that nonsense off.” I usually do not ask for opinions when shopping and I do not ask for help in choosing the “look” of the night, but I too, still need to know when I look straight crazy! Living “la vida loca” and looking loco are two TOTALLY different things. So please tell me when I need to suck in or brush my weave!

It’s a cycle, really. This sacrilege doesn’t start when you guys get ready for a night out on the town. This thing here starts in the fitting room at the store your girl has no business being in. It begins at the register when your boy went for the 50 Cent wifey instead of the regular, ol’, classic-fit Gap tee. This malarkey was birthed when you let your friend walk out the house into the court of public opinion looking like a fool.

I leave you with these words:
No more blaming it on the alcohol...I'm blaming you (pointing my finger). You’re not a friend if you don’t let him/her/them (because sometimes you roll with multiple H.A.M.s) know.

wOrD?

2009-03-13T22:59:00.006-04:00

"RE:NO WAYhoney bottomed pulchritudinous ball buster! ha!...NOT FREEKIN COOL!!!"
[King sAiD iT & i lUv iT.]

Stupid Girls

2009-03-12T21:13:00.009-04:00

“The disease is growing, it's epidemic… I'm scared that there ain't a cure. The world believes it and I'm going crazy. I cannot take any more.”

This epidemic has got to stop! Matter of fact, this “thing” is way more serious than any of us think. Let us call it what it is: a PAN-damn-DEMIC. There is no simple cure for this disease, but I hear knowledge is power and the only way to rid society of a seemingly incurable ailment is to bring attention to it and shed light in every dark corner. All of you within the reach of my voice (words) need to join me in the fight against STUPIDITY. More “importantly” we need to ward off STUPID GIRLS. Just straight idiots.
Before I begin (and before you start belly-aching), let me preface this by saying that my views do not represent the views of the stupid girls I am referencing (lol). Secondly, I will admit: I too, have been stuck on stupid a time or two (or 18) in my life. I have listened to lies and chose to believe them. I have lead with my heart, instead of my mind and got hurt in the process. And for that simple reason, I am reaching out to those of you, whom in 2009, think that stupid is stunning!

“The first step is admitting you have a problem.”

Pink - Stupid Girls | Music Videos | SPIKE.com

We have all heard it before and know, that the first step (out of every 12-Step recovery program) is to understand “that one cannot control one's addiction or compulsion.” That means…that even if you cannot help being the dummy that you are, you need to admit that mess! You need to (like I did) look your disgraceful self in that $5.97, full-length mirror that you got from the Walmart on Apalachee Parkway (shout out to Tallahassee) and say, “damn, I’s sho’ is stupid!” (“Shuck & jive” after that. Why not?)
We have all been the victims of stupidity. You know, things transpire behind our backs. Some really good (mainly bad) lies are told. The point is, what you don’t know, you can’t avoid. With that in mind…eh, fine, “stupid” caught you off guard. What happens when you find out though? Do you stay stupid or do you smarten up? “Go on and marinate on that for a minute.”
So, in conclusion (because I can go on forever): if you decide to fall in love with a loser who was in a L E N G T H Y relationship when you guys started dating…BUT you had “no clue” he was attached (Oooh, oooh, oooh, pick me!) you are, then, bamboozled, hoodwinked, scammed, but NOT stupid. If you find out, say you are going to leave him alone, then end up still “with him”… (blinking neon fluorescent lights} STUPID, sTuPiD, stupid.
Here’s the clincher: If you decide to fall in love with a loser who was in a L E N G T H Y relationship when you guys started dating, but you had zero clue (BS) he was attached AND THEN you find out, say you are going to leave him alone, then end up still “with him” AND THEN you believe him over everyone else when you hear that he is still trying to “get at” his ex…
YEAH, YOU’RE THE STUPID GIRL I AM TALKING ABOUT. Yup…you!
You know what? I’m stupid too. (smirk)
“I'm so glad that I'll never fit in. That will never be me.”
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2009-03-11T19:26:00.006-04:00

Mr. Wonderful!

2009-03-10T11:42:00.007-04:00

This was written a while ago, but it very relevant today. So, pulled from the archives and back by popular demand...Enjoy!

Music playing in my head:
“Smoking Cigarettes” Tweet – Southern Hummingbird

Excuse me, “bruh,” the last I checked,
I am way cooler than you pretend to be!
So, about six months ago, I began “dating” Mr. Wonderful* – educated, intelligent, well-mannered, well-dressed and a “body like Arnold” {ehhh…not the Denzel face, but you get the picture}. While he had tendencies that freakishly reminded me of my ex, ALL of his marvel was new to me. We went to lounges, Thai restaurants and cultural events; and most importantly, we spent quality time getting to know one another. At least five days out of seven we “kicked it.” I should have known then…OVER KILL!

It was an experience where, “too good to be true” met “nah, he can’t be making this up, can he?” Trust me, he was not perfect by any means. There were no surprise cards, no chivalrous attempts at opening my car door and definitely no “baby, I brought you flowers” moments. None of the above, people, None-of-the-above! Despite all of his deficiencies – yes, deficiencies, because that is what you have to call it when a man lacks a necessary quality – he gave me a “happy” that I had never savored before. I was at the center of all of his attention!

“It’s funny how the tables turn (turn, turn)…” (Sing it, Monica!) Fast forward a few months: my marvelous had turned mediocre and he now resembled all of my exes! A total 180° like every last one of ‘em! There were no more weekend trips to the museums… Wait, matter-of-factly, because I garnered “too much attention” when we went out, I was confined to the four walls of his apartment. The venues we frequented must have gone out of business because we stopped going to them and everywhere else for that matter.

My knight in shining armor knock-off (knock-off as in, fake as the FENDI Spy Bag this girl wore on the Metro this morning) started working too late to hang out and had to “selflessly” chauffeur his friends around that came from out of town. Give me a break. You are not a hero if no one is really in distress. Am I, like, the decoy for gay guys? If you like boys, embrace that ish. Ha! Anyways, I digress... There was no longer any room for me in his life. Cool. Instead of wallowing in my sorrows, I thought about his character and how the “deficiencies” outweighed what I had once considered commendable. How dare he shift priorities and push me down on the list of to-dos? Does he know how cool I am? Now that I think about it, I NEVER liked the way he kissed (and some mo' things too) anyways. Kick rocks, buzz off, break... I am way cooler than you will ever be.

*Name has been changed to protect the fraudulent.

Update coming soon...

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Miss Quote: “Yeah I said it…”

2009-03-07T14:46:00.008-05:00

"I ♥ to smile...
but my face is too shy
to show it!"

signed, _{miss young}

“I'm like a young Michael Jackson, these other ni**as is Tito…”

2009-03-06T12:32:00.009-05:00

What a great Friday!
So, I was listening to The Steve Harvey Show this morning and because it is “Freedom Friday” they were playing ALL Michael Jackson songs. Wait, not just songs…I mean H I T S! Mike does not just make songs…no measly tunes; his music just gets in your soul & bones. That alone, to me, was sign from my white Jesus that today was off to a great start. I am jigging and jiving until I had to my happy tail to work. Who told Mike J. he could be so talented? (Stomping my feet, throwing up my hands and shaking my head) T-A-L-E-N-T-E-D!

Fast forward 20 minutes: So I get to this hell-hole (under the guise of “TWP”), sign in to my “big brother is watching” computer and I pull up one of my favorite online magazines and there he was…a picture of Mike (circa ‘83) right there on the computer screen. Black Mike, is that you? You back, son? TOURING! I made a commitment when I was 5 years-old that I would see Mike in concert. I haven’t gotten there yet…but one day, I will! I am willing to pay $583.59 for a ticket to see him and for all of that money, I promise, guarantee even, that I will sweat, scream, cry and pass out all in the name of Michael Joe Jackson from Gary, Indiana! There ain’t (yeah, I said ain’t) NOBODY better than Michael Jackson. I said it, it’s done, there it is… Too bad his final hoorah will be in London! Sigh…a dream deferred!

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Hi! I am Miss Young.

2009-03-05T00:54:00.007-05:00

At 25, I look back and realize that an early age I showed signs of what I was meant to do; the gifts God assigned to me and only me. I remember as early as seven writing a lot; authoring stories about princesses that all began with “Once upon a time...” and ended with a visual every time on the back of the wide-ruled paper. Today, the passion that I cannot shake and have no desire to live without, is writing. I am a writer and I am choosing to write. Follow me as I let you know how I feel.
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